Stranger on a Train

"Dissociative Fugue"

Olga's cultural memory helped her out. She recognized paintings in the Hermitage and excerpts from books. Yet the Ministry of Internal Affairs refused to issue her a passport.

"Olga Nikolaevna does not know her name, place, and date of birth. She also has no documents or witnesses," explained Anastasia, a lawyer at Nochlezhka, which helps persons without documents.

"They often did not believe me and accused me of lying. The police directly told me that I was lying," Olga said. Fingerprints did not help establish her identity.

"Right now, there is only a ruling from the migration department, in which they come to the conclusion that her identity cannot be established," added Anastasia.

Specialists at Nochlezhka also helped figure out what was going on with Olga from a medical point of view. She does not have any organic brain damage, psychologist Alexandra said. She assumes that Olga has a dissociative fugue – a memory loss resulting from trauma.

"A person does not remember anything about their past before the moment of the traumatic event that caused the memory loss," Alexandra explained. "The brain can 'close off' access to memories due to shock. If the unconscious stops being afraid of these facts, experiences, or memories, then there is a chance that the memory will return."

Only a psychiatrist could officially confirm this diagnosis. Olga has contacted psychiatrists, but they, according to her, don't know about the existence of such a condition and refused to make a diagnosis without her documents. Alexandra added that one psychiatrist did help Olga to restore the events of the day when she woke up on the train.

14 years, 7 months and 21 days

On the very first day that Olga can recall, she met her husband. She described it this way: she was sitting lost on a bench near Kazan Cathedral, and a nice, friendly man asked her permission to sit down.

It was the Leningrad artist Alexander Krasota. For the next 14 years, 7 months and 21 days — Olga calculated this out — until his death, they lived together in his apartment. Because Olga did not have a passport, they could not marry, but, she claims, they got married in a church. That is how she got her first and last name.

"My husband conducted hypnosis sessions with me," Olga recalled. "I told him something, and we made up my biography. According to that, in 1996 I was 34 years old and my name is Olga. A person cannot live without a personal history. I don’t know if he was telling me the truth or not, but I believed it."

“My husband and I sewed and did ceramics — we sold our products at festivals and in stores,” Olga said. She didn’t turn to the “Wait for Me” program in search of her relatives: “I haven’t watched TV since 1997, and I think they only show lies.”

After her husband’s death, Olga vacated their apartment so his daughter could have it and moved in with a friend. In 2019, that friend left for Israel.

John the Savior

“I worked constantly," Olga said. "As a janitor, washing dishes in a cafe." She was having a hard time dealing with the death of her husband and the emigration of her friend. So in October 2020 she moved out of her apartment and walked around the city for four days, “saying goodbye,” she said.

"My life was aimless, I had no loved ones. I was going to commit suicide by jumping from the Yacht Bridge. I waited for a long time so that no one would be there. I picked the right moment and climbed over the parapet. A man named John passed by and talked me out of it."

John paid for her to spend a night in a hostel, where they agreed to accept Olga, despite the fact that she had no documents. She never saw John again, but decided that since she had been saved, she had to live. Olga was first accepted at a night shelter on 9th January Street, then at the Nochlezhki shelter.

"At first, it was hard for me [at the shelter]," she said. "I had severe depression, but I was surrounded by friendly people. I worked with psychologist Alexandra. In addition to personal therapy, I attended an adaptation group."

9 thousand steps

Today, Olga Nikolaevna has adapted to her circumstances, and has found friends and new meaning for her life at Nochlezhka.

"I quickly started volunteering," she said. "I handed out clothes and hygiene products to the homeless at the distribution point. Since February 2022, I have been volunteering as an administrator of the shower station at Nochlezhka. My phone tells me every day that I need to walk 9 thousand steps, and I walk them. I have a very interesting job. The homeless need a kind word: give them tea, give them candy, cookies. We have a wonderful team. I am inspired by the fact that I help those who pull people out of the bottom."

Through psychotherapy, Olga continues to try to regain her memory. She is still being denied a passport.

"At the moment," explains Nochlezhka lawyer Anastasia, "the legal acts governing the procedure for establishing one's identity do not provide for the possibility for people with amnesia to obtain any document establishing or certifying their identity."

Without a passport, a woman cannot receive a pension, which she needs more and more every year, a medical insurance policy, and social support.

Olga Nikolayevna is looking for any information about herself and her relatives. Tell her story to your friends so that more people know about it, and, if you happen to know Olga Nikolaevna's relatives, contact Bumaga.

This article was originally published in Russian by Bumaga, and has been translated and published in English with permission.