May 19, 2019

An Alien's Guide to the Subway


An Alien's Guide to the Subway
Littleny | Dreamstime.com

If you read in Webster’s dictionary that Subway is “an electric underground railway,” don’t take it for granted. Dictionaries are written by language pundits in  quiet, softly lit, and lightly-heated libraries, whose subtle aura offers little, if any, protection from the onslaught of the fast food jargon.

One of my first trips to North America was to Washington in mid 1980s. I came with a group of Soviet sociologists invited to the annual convention of the American Sociological Association.

On leaving Moscow, the official parting wishes from the Academy of Sciences were: “be aware of agents’ provocateur attempting to lure the Soviet scholars to America.” While those wistful wishes were for the group in general, I had special orders from a higher authority, my wife, to deliver a bag with winter clothing to her friend’s husband, Boris, who had recently relocated to the States. 

Mindful of  “agents provocateur,” I did no risk calling Boris from the hotel room, and instead stashed the sweaters and woollen socks in a shopping bag, and one night, when the group retired after a long day of imbibing American sociological wisdom, called Boris from an outside pay phone. Boris worked in a garage and suggested we meet that night around ten, by the first southbound car in the nearest Metro station.

“They call it a subway here,” he said. “Just walk to 12th Street, turn right, walk half a block, and you’ll see the entrance.” 

I followed his instructions to the letter and there it was – a color neon SUBWAY sign. True, the door and the stairs seemed a little too narrow for a station entrance, but the Americans were certainly entitled to their own ways. 

Inside, the narrow room framed by the glass counter ended with a small “staff only” door with no visible passage to the station. Behind the counter there were two men dressed like twins in navy-colored shirts and aprons. For a minute or two, I stood motionless in the middle of the room filled with the aromas of bread, meats and hot cheese. The men behind the counter scrutinized me closely.

“What would you like to eat, sir?”

“Eat? I am looking for the subway entrance.” I tried to wipe a puzzled smile off my face, and feeling like Pinocchio in search of a hidden door, looked around again. No hidden door.

The clock on the wall behind the counter said five minutes past ten. Boris was probably waiting for me. 

“This is the place”, said one of the men. “Chicken parmesan, chicken and bacon ranch, bacon double cheese. We make sandwiches, fresh!”

“I mean the subway station, Metro.”  

Now it was their turn to puzzle their wits, but I did not wait for an answer.

“Take care!” I tried to sound casual and left.

Outside, it was dark. The street lights were on, but there were neither other subway signs nor even passersby to ask. I was by myself, alone on the other side of the planet, hating everything from my English instructor to sandwiches and defectors. A police cruiser stopped.

“Anything wrong, sir?”

“Is there a metro station around? You know, underground?”

“You mean the subway.”

Not again, I thought, looking over my shoulder at the “all fresh” sandwich store, but the officer pointed in the direction of some not so distant lights.  

“Not from the neighborhood?”

“Alien,” I said, suddenly remembering the word from my visa application form.

“Yeah,” he smiled. “Hop in. I’ll give you a ride.” 

Like this post? Get a weekly email digest + member-only deals

Some of our Books

At the Circus
January 01, 2013

At the Circus

This wonderful novella by Alexander Kuprin tells the story of the wrestler Arbuzov and his battle against a renowned American wrestler. Rich in detail and characterization, At the Circus brims with excitement and life. You can smell the sawdust in the big top, see the vivid and colorful characters, sense the tension build as Arbuzov readies to face off against the American.

The Little Humpbacked Horse
November 03, 2014

The Little Humpbacked Horse

A beloved Russian classic about a resourceful Russian peasant, Vanya, and his miracle-working horse, who together undergo various trials, exploits and adventures at the whim of a laughable tsar, told in rich, narrative poetry.

Driving Down Russia's Spine
June 01, 2016

Driving Down Russia's Spine

The story of the epic Spine of Russia trip, intertwining fascinating subject profiles with digressions into historical and cultural themes relevant to understanding modern Russia. 

A Taste of Russia
November 01, 2012

A Taste of Russia

The definitive modern cookbook on Russian cuisine has been totally updated and redesigned in a 30th Anniversary Edition. Layering superbly researched recipes with informative essays on the dishes' rich historical and cultural context, A Taste of Russia includes over 200 recipes on everything from borshch to blini, from Salmon Coulibiac to Beef Stew with Rum, from Marinated Mushrooms to Walnut-honey Filled Pies. A Taste of Russia shows off the best that Russian cooking has to offer. Full of great quotes from Russian literature about Russian food and designed in a convenient wide format that stays open during use.

Bears in the Caviar
May 01, 2015

Bears in the Caviar

Bears in the Caviar is a hilarious and insightful memoir by a diplomat who was “present at the creation” of US-Soviet relations. Charles Thayer headed off to Russia in 1933, calculating that if he could just learn Russian and be on the spot when the US and USSR established relations, he could make himself indispensable and start a career in the foreign service. Remarkably, he pulled it of.

Life Stories
September 01, 2009

Life Stories

The Life Stories collection is a nice introduction to contemporary Russian fiction: many of the 19 authors featured here have won major Russian literary prizes and/or become bestsellers. These are life-affirming stories of love, family, hope, rebirth, mystery and imagination, masterfully translated by some of the best Russian-English translators working today. The selections reassert the power of Russian literature to affect readers of all cultures in profound and lasting ways. Best of all, 100% of the profits from the sale of this book are going to benefit Russian hospice—not-for-profit care for fellow human beings who are nearing the end of their own life stories.

How Russia Got That Way
September 20, 2025

How Russia Got That Way

A fast-paced crash course in Russian history, from Norsemen to Navalny, that explores the ways the Kremlin uses history to achieve its ends.

The Pet Hawk of the House of Abbas
October 01, 2013

The Pet Hawk of the House of Abbas

This exciting new trilogy by a Russian author – who has been compared to Orhan Pamuk and Umberto Eco – vividly recreates a lost world, yet its passions and characters are entirely relevant to the present day. Full of mystery, memorable characters, and non-stop adventure, The Pet Hawk of the House of Abbas is a must read for lovers of historical fiction and international thrillers.

 
Moscow and Muscovites
November 26, 2013

Moscow and Muscovites

Vladimir Gilyarovsky's classic portrait of the Russian capital is one of Russians’ most beloved books. Yet it has never before been translated into English. Until now! It is a spectactular verbal pastiche: conversation, from gutter gibberish to the drawing room; oratory, from illiterates to aristocrats; prose, from boilerplate to Tolstoy; poetry, from earthy humor to Pushkin. 

About Us

Russian Life is a publication of a 30-year-young, award-winning publishing house that creates a bimonthly magazine, books, maps, and other products for Russophiles the world over.

Latest Posts

Our Contacts

Russian Life
73 Main Street, Suite 402
Montpelier VT 05602

802-223-4955