You Look Like a Cucumber and other Compliments

Differences in national etiquette can prove a virtual minefield. What’s accepted in the U.S. can be impolite in Russia. To give a very simple example: Russians don’t usually find it polite to ask over the phone: “Who’s calling please?” (“Кто его / её спрашивает?”) This question is considered indiscreet. Don’t ask why – just mark it up to cultural differences.

Similarly, it is considered rude in the U.S. to ask someone how much they make, but in Russia most people (with the exception of the nouveaux riches and the mafia) would be happy to tell you their salary. There are a number of ways to ask this question. So, be prepared to hear “Сколько ты получаешь?” or “Сколько ты зарабатываешь?” every now and then. A true Russian would phrase it as follows: “Сколько у тебя выходит в месяц?” Or, even more to the point, “Сколько у тебя выходит в месяц ‘чистыми’?” (literally: “How much clean money do you bring home?”). The opposite of net salary is “dirty money”: “Сколько у тебя выходит ‘грязными’?” (i.e. not taking account of deductions).

Russians working in the private sector are gradually getting used to keeping their salaries secret. In face-to-face conversation you may come across the humorous subterfuge “Это не телефонный разговор” (it’s not something we should talk about over the phone). Take note of it and use it in difficult situations.

Speaking of politesse, paying compliments to Russians, particularly men, is an art in itself. The best way for one middle-aged man to praise another of would be to say, “Я бы с ним в разведку пошёл” (“I’d go with him on a reconnaissance mission”). This is the top compliment amongst Russian men, dating back to World War II. People would trust each other like brothers once they had been together on a reconnaissance mission. Younger generations like this expression too.

Another compliment goes: “Ты сегодня выглядишь как огурец (огурчик)” (“You look like a cucumber today”). This might sound strange to an American, but the implication is that you look fresh, not green, waxen, or crunchy.

“Ты настоящий мужик” (“You’re a real muzhik,” i.e. regular guy) stresses a man’s macho side. As does “Ты настоящий парень” (“You’re a real guy”). Also use “Старик, ты сегодня в ударе” (“Hey old buddy, you’re in great shape today”) or “Ты сегодня превзошёл самого себя” (“You’ve surpassed yourself today”).

The younger generation of Russians, especially the nouveaux-riches, like to be complimented on their expensive purchases. Do not ignore your Russian friend’s new tie from Pierre Cardin or Yves Saint-Laurent. Say: “классный галстук” or “классный пиджак” (“classy tie, classy jacket”). You do not need much linguistic variety with New Russians – you can get away with just the adjective классный.

Compliments for Russian women are easier. First and foremost, remember that just like elsewhere, Russian women do not like to be asked about their age and welcome remarks like “I would not have guessed so many years.” (Я бы Вам столько не дал). If you do dare ask a woman about her age, the likely answer would be “А сколько бы Вы мне дали?” (“How many years would you give me?”).

And yet in some exceptional cases it’s good to mention a woman’s age. For instance, if you’re invited to a birthday party and the host is a woman who just turned 45, toast her and say “В сорок пять баба ягодка опять” (“A woman at 45 is a berry again”). According to Russian beliefs, 45 is a renaissance age for women.

“Ты сегодня выглядишь на 100 рублей” (“You look like l00 rubles today”) was something people used to say amongst friends back in Soviet times, when 100 rubles was a fortune. It can still be used, even though a R100 note is now no more than a souvenir. Today, “you look like R100,000” would be more logical if it did not sound so awkward. So, try something less inflationary, like “Ты сегодня выглядишь на ‘пять с плюсом’” (“You look like a ‘five plus’ today” – he highest mark in the Russian educational system).

A still better option is to say something classical, like: “Ты сегодня выглядишь бесподобно / блестяще / восхитительно / сногсшибательно” (“Nobody compares to you, you look radiant, you look terrific, you knock me out”).

You can also be almost certain to please a Russian woman if you tell her you think she’s lost weight. “Мне кажется, ты похудела.” It’s especially pertinent now that most spouses of New Russians undergo weight loss programs, gorging themselves on kilos of Herbalife.

Accordingly, if you see that a Russian woman has put on weight, keep your observations to yourself. If you really want to spoil your relationship, take note of the Russian for “you put on weight”: ты поправилась.

Women’s clothes are another potential object of flattery. The conventional phrase would be “Это платье тебе очень идёт” (“This dress becomes you”). But more typically Russian is “Это платье на тебе сидит, как влитое” – the equivalent of the English “it fits you like a glove.”

Finally, even if you forget all these phrases, just say something positive and your compliment will hit the target. As the Russian saying goes, Доброе слово и кошке приятно (Even a cat likes a good word).