825 Yards for Barack

the world economic crisis demands a linguistic stimulus package for Survival Russian readers, especially since we have not focused on monetary lingo here for over a decade.

Back in 1995, we noted that a popular term for money was капуста (cabbage) and that making money was рубить капусту (to cut cabbage). Today, капуста has ceded primacy to the horrific term бобло (which has given the small village in Moscow region, Боблово, a new meaning). Бобло was likely born “from the remnants” of бабки, a bit of jargon which is still “legal tender.” The diminutive for бобло is боблишко. And it has a near synonym of бабосы. So now, instead of рубить капусту, we rather tend to отжать бобла (squeeze out some money).

When it comes to using your бабки, if you want to be plain and uninteresting, you can say платить деньгами (наличными) – pay with money (with cash). But why not spice things up and replace платить with the unconventional отстегнуть (unhook, unfasten) or better yet – отслюнявить (literally “to salivate away,” evoking the image of an old cashier spitting on his thumb to make it easier to count notes)?

Meanwhile, crisp банкноты (bills) are called хрусты (crispies). Which brings to mind the huge thieves’ party described in a song by Alexander Rozenbaum: Хрусты летели и летели, и мы с тобой слегка вспотели – мы танцевали модный танец карамболь (Crispies were flying, flying, and we were barely sweating as we danced the fashionable carambole).

Of course, you can also save your money, the most common terms being копить or cберегать, hence сберегательная касса (Savings Bank). The newest colloquial synonym for копить is скирдовать (to stack, as in to stack hay). About someone who is greedily hoarding his stash, you can say он скирдует (or он наскирдовал, meaning he saved up quite a load of dough).

What about the once-popular лимоны (lemons), slang for “millions”? It is still in use, yet is often replaced with the abridged лямы. But my favorite monetary neologism is ярды (yards). It has nothing to do with measuring length – ярды is merely short for миллиарды (billions). It rhymes well (ярды-миллиарды) and is rather актуально (topical), since Russian oligarchs no longer count by the millions but by the billions. And so does Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, who, trying to help domestic banks and manufacturers weather the current financial storm, is pressing his government to allocate ever more ярды. As is America’s newly-elected President, Barack Obama, who at press time was asking Congress to отслюнявить 825 yards for his ambitious stimulus package.

Can these measures help to kill the beast so to speak? Will they do any good for our respective countries’ economies? Well, the measures are well-intended, and, as we know from our fairy tales, good typically triumphs over evil at the end of the day: добро побеждает зло. This maxim, by the way, has been rephrased by some quick-witted souls to illustrate how Russians have been corrupted by money lust: бобло побеждает зло (Money triumphs over Evil).

The rhyme is witty, and perhaps even funny. But it has a bitter aftertaste.

In the past, we frowned on anyone with an insatiable thirst for бaбосы. Happiness was not to be found in money (не в деньгах счастье), we felt. With the экономический кризис knocking on every door, one can only hope that Russians are relearning this truth – finding happiness in simple pleasures while realizing that the harmless-sounding бобло is actually the same old презренный металл (despicable metal) we long taught ourselves to revile.

NAMEPLAY: That бушевать means “to rage, bluster” offered the Russian press no end of headline possibilities during the Bush administration (e.g. Буш рабушевался). In January, one paper decried Finance Minister Alexei Kudrin’s faulty ruble forecasts saying “enough кудрит мозгу” (a play on пудрит мозгу – literally “to powder someone’s brain,” or try to fool them). We have yet to see a good wordplay on Obama, though there is a near miss verb: обомлеть (to be stupefied), and the assonance of Barack and бардак (mess, chaos) will surely be exploited.