The Way Home

"THE FIRST THING I'LL DO WHEN MY HUSBAND COMES HOME IS BURN HIS UNIFORM"

This article was originally published in Russian by Cherta.

The normal reaction of any citizen

I’ve known my husband for more than ten years. At first, we were just friends. He was married; I was married. We lived in different regions: he was in a town in the Northwest and I was in Moscow Oblast.

I divorced a year later due to cheating and an unhealthy relationship. In 2021, my future husband was also on the verge of divorce. I decided to go support my old friend. One thing led to another. I and a bunch of his friends came along for the divorce proceedings. Upon exiting the Civil Registry building, he was greeted with balloons and a cake in the face. That very day he proposed to me. We settled in Moscow Oblast.

Our daughter was born in July 2022. When she was two months old, the worst possible thing happened: the partial mobilization was announced. My husband had just started a vacation. We were planning to go visit my parents and introduce our daughter to grandma and grandpa. I hadn’t been following the war. Stressing during pregnancy isn’t the best idea. My husband had said that it was just a special military operation and that professionals were taking care of it.

In late September, we heard from friends that some people had stopped by the apartment with a summons from the military recruitment office to come verify the information on his military registration card. He’s that sort of citizen – if they need to verify something, so be it. It’s stupid, of course. I tried to talk him out of going. I suggested he wait until they send a summons to his work. My husband replied: since I’m on vacation, I’ll go hang out with my friends, then I’ll stop by there and come back.

He went… He’d barely set foot in the recruiting office when they handed him a mobilization summons. By September 30, he was already enrolled in a military unit. There was no way he couldn’t show up. There’s this concept of a society of law-abiding citizens. Back then, it was clearly stated that this was a civic duty, and that obligation was written into law. Showing up was the normal reaction of any citizen. During the send-off, they said it would be about three months, just to help out a bit. Six months tops.

We were supposed to have our own contact person at the Defenders of the Fatherland Foundation. I wrote to them and soon got a phone call from someone in our town government. He said, “What the…” – well, I’ll put it more nicely – “What do you want from me? Wherever they took your husband from, that’s who you need to deal with.” When I pointed out that this is a federal program and not a regional one and that you, as a foundation and representatives of the government, are obligated to help families with their problems, he responded with a four-letter word and blocked my number.

The White Headscarf

Toward the end of last winter, I began to put up a fight: nobody was bringing my husband back. You promised a half year, so what’s going on? I still haven’t gotten a response from the Defense Ministry. They mobilized him – so what? They stole his life – so what?  What’s the big deal?

I started looking for a group working to bring men home. I found one. We wrote to newspapers: Moskovsky Komsomolets, Komsomolskaya Pravda, Izvestia. Not a single response. Pro-government media doesn’t care about us. We don’t exist. The subject is taboo. A journalist acquaintance told me outright: “If I wrote about you or said a word about this to the editor-in-chief, I’d be fired.

In August, some friends and I realized that the group was doing nothing but chatting about pantyhose, socks, underwear, and rumors that our husbands would be brought home. It’s hard to find anything about concrete actions in a big sea of comments, so some of the girls started their own separate chat. We called it The Way Home. We decided: “Today we’ll write to such-and-such legislator,” or “Tomorrow the governor has a live call-in show, so let’s ask some questions.”

We chose a white headscarf as our symbol so we could recognize one another in a crowd. We were inspired by the Mothers of Plaza de Mayo, who also wore white headscarves.[1] They were prohibited from holding demonstrations, so they would just walk around the plaza.

Our community includes wives, sisters, and mothers. At first we had no men, but now we have fathers, brothers, and simply friends – people who don’t understand this contempt for human dignity, this abuse of the Constitution, and this failure to address the situation.

A Mark of Quality

Now, our Telegram group has been labeled “Fake.” In my opinion, that’s a mark of quality. It’s an easy label to get: you just need a certain percentage of subscribers to submit a complaint. When our community began to grow exponentially, we were inundated with hostile bots. We were being attacked by both sides. Antiwar people sneered, “Your dimwits went to fight, but we warned you…” And then the Z-patriots sitting on their couches started yelling, “Onward to Berlin, on to Warsaw!” They call us Nalvanyists, although half of our community doesn’t even know about Navalny. The people who’ve been mobilized and their families are mostly apolitical. But now they realize: if you don’t take an interest in politics, you’ll pay a price.

Some say we’re being paid. But why pay people fighting not for some abstract thing, but for the lives of their loved ones? It’s a simple choice: struggle and life or death, Cargo 200.[2] One of our girls recently lost her husband, but she’s taken a stance: I know who’s guilty of his death and I don’t want others to die.

Some say we’re too well organized. Approximately 300,000 have been mobilized – do you really think that all their wives are country bumpkins? Seriously? Who do you think we are? A flock of birdbrains capable only of giving birth, as the government would like? We have lawyers, editors, people who used to be writers. And in general, if you want to live, you’ll learn to write, and draw, and stand on your head. We’ve been put in a situation where you either learn and act or you throw your loved one’s life on the trash heap.

We’re going against the system. How far they’ll let us go and how tight a rein they’ll keep us on in the future, we don’t know. Personally, I haven’t been threatened by the authorities. But my husband was called in by the FSB. They took his phone and still haven’t returned it. They were asking about his wife’s relationship to the Way Home [Telegram] channel. They asked him to have a talk with me, have me shut my pretty little mouth. He replied: “I can influence her if I’m with her all the time.” The guys serving with him later shook his hand and thanked him for having that kind of wife.

The Way Home isn’t just five or ten people. It’s a horizontal structure can’t be knocked down since all actions are decided on by many people. Our position is simple: civilians have no place in a special military operation designed for specialists. There are only two kinds of military service in the country: fixed-term conscription and by contract. But the mobilized are neither. They’re nobody. Let anyone who wants to sign a contract. Then again, those guys are also hostages. Contracts that have expired are automatically extended based on the same presidential degree as the partial mobilization. This is a trap, slave labor, because you have no say over your occupations. Once you’ve fallen into the Defense Ministry’s clutches, you’re there to the end. We oppose this.

 We tried getting through to the authorities by writing official letters. At the State Duma, people know our girls and greet them as they enter. [Chairwoman of the Committee on the Family, Fathers, Mothers, and Children Nina] Ostanina promised to convene a round table about introducing a bill to put a time limit on service by the mobilized.

On November 7, some of us joined a Communist Party meeting with voters that had been given the name “Justice.” What does “justice” mean for our families? It means having our men back home. We are not against the government; we don’t want to destabilize society. Give us back our men; let them come home. I don’t understand what’s so hard about that. The girls unfurled signs and stood there for literally 5-10 minutes. We knew they could be jailed for 15 days. Lawyers were there, and I had made arrangements for legal aid. We also wrote to journalists. When cameras started flashing all around us, our members were shocked.

Some comrades in uniforms came up to us. They were very polite. The meeting organizers asked us not to unfurl our signs and to leave. Our girls stayed there till the end and handed [Russian Communist Party General Secretary Gennady] Zyuganov our appeal with a huge number of signatures. We haven’t received a response. They had said to [Duma Defense Committee member Viktor] Sobolev: “Shoigu did actually promise to rotate the mobilized; he’s a real man – his word is his bond.” The response was: “I’ll tell the president.” Based on Putin’s Direct Line, he must have told a brick wall.[3] But after November 7, they started writing about us.

This wasn’t just a bunch of loudmouth shrews. There was a soldier there on leave after being wounded. Believe me: if the mobilized men are told: “Go ahead home!” no, the government wouldn’t even need pay their way – they’d walk.

Then we issued a manifesto saying a legal vacuum and violations of the constitution aren’t normal. We appealed to people: either use your heads and support us or you could be next. Time to take off the rose-colored glasses. Listen, please: the mobilization isn’t over; it’s just been paused. At a press conference, Vladimir Vladimirovich [Putin] said it wasn’t necessary today. But are you so sure that tomorrow you won’t be in our shoes? You won’t be sending food, clothing, footwear, and water to the trenches and trying to figure out what an FPV [first-person view] drone is, or hunting down body armor?

“We want to go home.”

When I talk with people who’ve been mobilized, I don’t discuss their attitude toward the war. They try not to think about that. It’s upsetting. They think along the lines: “I just carry over the shells and that’s it.” All they know is: “We want to go home.” Anyone who doesn’t want to go home has long since signed a contract.

They calculate the distance of incoming shells by the sound. They’re used to falling asleep to the blast of explosions – they can’t sleep when it’s quiet anymore. My husband is a driver. He’s been in the worst places. The trenches are wet and muddy. He always has spare socks and pants so he can change and not get himself truly sick. He once met a boy wearing combat boots with no socks. My husband gave him some wool socks, and the boy clutched them and said: “I’ll get out of here someday and wear them.”

So long as my husband is there, any moment could be his last. He can’t get out on his own. If he writes a transfer application, it will be torn up and thrown in his face. Unfortunately, there’s no rule of law there, just orders. Failure to carry them out will get you 10-20 years for treason.

Some people say: Why don’t they turn their guns in the other direction? What do you think would happen if one person does that and the rest don’t? But if they do anything to me, my husband and several others will drop everything and turn around.

I don’t want my husband to be let back just for another civilian to take his place. If someone wants to play soldier, be my guest. But it doesn’t make sense for civilians to be giving up their lives. For what? To achieve some abstract goal? So that NATO can’t reach our borders? Well, here’s Finland – right there. Are we going to go fight the Finns now? Or will we fight someone else? Peace, harmony, and calm is a normal desire for every person, especially women. If a woman wants war, for me she’s at the very least strange. Do you really give birth to children so they can be killed?

People here don’t like to talk about those who’ve died in this special military operation, but we venerate their memory. It doesn’t matter who a man is. What matters is that his life is over. I think if people find out what’s going on there, a large proportion of our country would rise up. Because every meter of territory represents dozens of lives. Do we really need territory at that price?

The government isn’t afraid of any specific Telegram channel. It’s afraid that sooner or later a large number of people will get sick of this and they’ll just rise up in their towns. The more people talk about us, the more Russians understand that rights and freedoms are being violated. If they don’t rise up now, after the elections the screws will be tightened so you could go to prison for any word. Even now you can for almost anything.

The Loyal Ones

We don’t all share the same view on life. Some Way Home members support Vladimir Vladimirovich [Putin], although fewer with each passing day. Because every response we get is like a slap in the face. How long can we keep begging on bended knees? We’ve tried every level of government, from town councils to the presidential administration. At first we were addressed politely by first name and patronymic. Now we’re just “the list of petitioners.” Why respond to each of us? Who are you? Mere minions.

Duma member [Viktoriya] Rodina said something to the effect, “Why should I worry about your guys if mine has his bags packed and is trying to figure out how to get out of going there?” All we were asking for was a law setting a limited term of service. They tell us that the mobilized guys are good fighters, that there are 14 Heroes of Russia among them. We’re glad, but they weren’t looking to become heroes.

They’re there because they answered the Motherland’s call. They’re obedient citizens. Is it so hard to understand that these government supporters aren’t so supportive anymore? They don’t need this special military operation, this open-ended deployment, or Kherson, Kiev, Lvov, or Warsaw – who knows what next? The special operation has no clear goals. They’re so vague it could be started or ended at any time. It all depends on one man.

Everyone in our community has their own pain. Some miss family members, another wants a child but is afraid to have one while she’s alone. Some children stopped talking since their father was taken away. Families have split up – some women can’t stand the wait, living like that. That’s also normal. The year 2024 has been declared the Year of the Family. Is that a joke?

When you start digging, you realize that mobilization is just the tip of the iceberg. Every law in our country is written to check a box, and every law can be turned upside down or just ignored at any moment.

You go to meet with a legislator. You say: “It’s time for the guys to come home. As the legislative authority, how about showing some initiative? We’ve written a law for you, and we’re ready to explain where it needs to go, how to put it forward. Meet us halfway.” The one thing we know for sure is that our husband wants to come home, but the response is: “They’re awesome fighters and everything is fine for them. No one wants to come home.” You look them in the eye: “Are you serious?”

You’ve only just sent camouflage nets, toiletries, food, and they tell you that everything’s fine there. They say there’s a rotation. Must be a trench-to-trench rotation. They get two weeks’ leave twice a year. But every leave, your husband just begins to realize that taking walks, going to the movies, the theater, the store – that’s the everyday life he’s supposed to be living, and it’s back to hell. You let him go and think, will I ever see him again? This leave doesn’t provide either rest or calm. You’ve barely relaxed before you’re hit over the head again. It’s time to end this madness and bring people home.

The first thing I’ll do when my husband comes home is burn his uniform. On a bonfire. We’ll turn off our telephones and be a family. Forget about politics and what’s happening at the front and spend a few days together. Then we’ll get together with the people Fate has united us with during this difficult time: everyone fighting for the return of their loved ones. That is also one big thousands-strong family. We are many, and every day there are more of us.