To Queue or Not to Queue

The image of an очередь (queue), winding around a street corner and stretching beyond the horizon may well be imprinted on the collective unconscious (коллективное бессознательное) of Russians, even those lucky enough to have been born in the abundant mid-90s.

Queuing (стоять в очереди – to stand in a queue, often shortened to simply стоять –  tand) for food and other essential items was a routine pastime of every Soviet citizen, with the exception of the сливки (cream) of the party elite. One often stood in queues for toilet paper – strictly four rolls for every pair of hands (четыре рулона в одни руки), for bananas, vegetable oil, for tights, for imported boots (even if only size 40 was left – остался только сороковой размер)… in short, for just about any consumer good in short supply (дефицит).

This is why a resourceful homo sovieticus (советский человек) always carried in his case or her handbag an авоська – a string-bag that could be rolled up into a very small space, but which was always at the ready, “just in case” its owner came across a queue.

The first step would be to secure a place in the queue (встать в очередь). Only then would the new arrival ask, “За чем стоим?” (“What are we queuing for?”) or “Что дают?” (“What are they giving out?”)

Today, the horrors of communal queuing are long gone, yet one can still spend plenty of time standing in line. In the last year, I can recall queuing for several things for over an hour: for plane tickets (за билетами на самолёт), to get into a photo exhibition (на выставку), to get a visa at the Italian embassy (в итальянское посольство за визой), and with my dog at the vet (на приём к ветеринару).

Russian queuing has its own etiquette. Before taking a place in a queue, try asking, “Кто последний?” (“Who’s last in line?”). Then you can occupy your place and patiently stand or sit. Alternatively, you could try to dodge the queue by what is called занять очередь – securing your place by declaring to the person in front of you, “Я за вами” (“I am behind you”) and abandoning the queue for the time you estimate it would take you to reach its head. Before leaving, be sure to warn the people in front of you and behind: “Я отойду на минутку” (“I am leaving for just a moment”), to make sure they know you will be coming back. Then, theoretically, you could leave the standing to others and retire to a nearby café.

If you want to secure a place in a virtual queue, such as a waiting list for a plane ticket, you can ask the responsible person, “Поставьте меня на лист ожидания.” (“Put me on the waiting list.”)

In a situation similar to queuing, if you find yourself in a stuffed metro car and want to make sure you can get out at the next stop, you may want to ask the people between you and the door, “Вы выходите на следующей?” (“Are you getting off at the next stop?”). It’s kind of a polite advance notice that you will soon be shouldering your way by them.

Life is short and, if you have the guts, you can try to get what you want без очереди (jumping the line). But if you try this, be bold and confident and quite prepared to hear something rude and humiliating, such as “Вас здесь не стояло.” (“You weren’t standing here.”) This phrase, because of its awkward grammatical structure, is a rather rude way to evict someone from a queue. The phrase dates at least to the Stalin era, since Anna Akhmatova reportedly used it mockingly to say that a person had not stood in lines outside prisons with parcels for loved ones.

It will be a while before the word очередь ceases to have negative connotations for Russians. As the dog Sharik, newly transformed into comrade Sharikov in Mikhail Bulgakov’s Heart of a Dog liked to shout, “В очередь, сукины дети, в очередь!” (“Get in line, you S.O.B.s, get in line!”)