Swearing, by Japanese God!

The Sun of Russian poetry, Alexander Pushkin, a notorious rake, loved to indulge in linguistic hooliganism. (By the way, the word “Pushkin” is now the latest slang among Russian youth for “cool” – e.g. when someone asks “How was the movie? (or jeans or coat)” the reply is “Oh Pushkin!” instead of “Oh, cool!”) In his lesser-known verses, diaries and private correspondences, the great Russian poet didn’t mince words, often em-ploy-ing a vivid ar-senal of Russian mat (curse words).

In modern re-prints of his works, his countrymen find many omissions or elipses replacing unprintable vocabulary. But then he was Pushkin! (And his verses were “Push-kin” too.) So he could afford linguistically what we, simple mortals, simply cannot.

But we can’t just deprive ourselves of swearing, can we? For it is arguably one of the best ways of letting off steam. And, for those who want to express themselves colorfully, but shun outright obscenity, there are some now traditional mat-surrogates. One of the most popular is the infamous блин (literally “pancake”), which every Russian teenager uses extensively. For all our love for pancake eating, when someone yells “Блин!” all of sudden, he is not voicing an uncontrollable craving for this crisp, porous and fluffy-battered stuff. In fact, блин is a standard euphemism for what “a known Russia basher” (as Western journalist Jean McKenzie once introduced herself) called this “naughty word” that means “whore” (also beginning with a “bl”) and is used “where English speakers normally utter their own favorite four-letter expletive.”

In a hilarious contemporaneous development, Russian linguiphiles, led by stand-up comedian Yelena Stepanenko, have taken to calling Bill Clinton “Blin Clinton” or “Klin Blinton” (ironically, “klin” translates as “wedge” or “gore” – the verb, not the vice-president).

A longer synonym for блин, the phrase “Болят мои раны” (literally “my wounds hurt”) is based on the same similarity in pronunciation. It also starts with a “Б,” so everyone gets the hint, but it is “formally” decent and the cursor’s face is saved.

The second most popular curse is when Russians profane another’s mother. It starts with a “yo” sound, so inventive Russians have crafted a “civilized” subterfuge which unfortunately is not favorable to citizens of the Country of the Rising Sun: Японский Бог (Japanese God!). A less frequent synomym of the Japanese God is the Japanese cop! (Японский городовой!). The explanation for both is pretty simple – in pronunciation they start with a “yo,” just like the infamous idiom. Alternatively, one could say “Ё моё!” (literally “my ‘yo’”) which is tolerated in informal oral speech.

Russian inventiveness in euphemisms knows no boundaries. If a Muscovite sees a lady of ill-repute walking along Tverskaya street, he might say “God forgive”(Прости Господи!), but he may or may not be offering up a prayer. For, it is simply a euphemism for the word prostitute (проститутка), which sounds similar. No, there is no etymological connection, just a polite name for Moscow’s “moths” (ночные бабочки).

Actually, call them what you will – it won’t have any impact on the number of Moscow’s godforgives. Their position is very strong. Likely because, as in any big city, they are in cahoots with the русский городовой. Or perhaps because de-mand for local “прости Господи” is steady and increasing. In fact, a recent Potemkin village-like raid on the Moscow’s godforgives by then Interior Ministry Kulikov cleaned up the city for a couple of hours. But the next day, японский городовой!, things were back to “normal.” All Kulikov could say was that “his wounds hurt.”

As we attempt to be a respectable magazine on Russian culture, we definitely can’t elaborate on this list, which, of course, is far from complete. But if you know at least these few key euphemisms, your chances to pass for a local – or at least to score some linguistic points with locals – are much higher. But then, don’t abuse the privilege, Japanese God forbid! For instance, parents daring to claim their place in the ranks of the Russian intelligentsia give their kids a hard time for using this ubiquitous “pancake” word – including yours truly. It may seem a linguistic hypocrisy, since quite a few such intelligents often spruce up their speech with mat. But then, that’s the way we are. You never know with these Russians, блин!