Fishing for Tenderness

Valentine’s Day is not far off, so it is a perfect time to help men learn some impressive Russian terms of endearment. In other words, what is the Russian equivalent of the English “honey” or “hon,” or “dear”?

It varies, actually. The most standard endearment for one’s wifey (жёнушка) is дорогая or дорогуша. Милая is equally popular with Russian men.

Right next to it stand all sorts of nicknames from the animal world. Feline formulas are the undisputed leaders. Enamored men call their “belle” киса (pussy-cat), кисуль or котя (from кот, cat). These sweet and sugary derivations are used to death and frankly make me cringe. But they must work for some.

Hares are not just the slang term for ticketless passengers (written of here many years ago) but, perhaps because they are cute, furry little creatures, are also apropos for sweet-talking your sweetheart. The most popular nickname is the bile-inducing зайка (little bunny). But, again, it’s in use. Wide use. The king of Russian popsa, Filip Kirkorov (something like a déclassé Russian version of Julio Iglesias) even dedicated a song to his ageing ex-жёнушка, the pop Queen Alla Pugacheva, and titled it “Зайка моя.” Not that she resembles a bunny, but, well, “love is blind” as they say, so let her be a “little bunny” if the king of Russian popsa sees her this way (perhaps, had he been a bit more inventive with his endearments, she might not be his ex-bunny).

Russian beaux also call their belles голубка (little dove) or курочка (little hen). But some might say these terms are only used by henpecked husbands – the one who, as someone once put it, “wears the pants in the house – under his apron,” or, in more flamboyant Russian, the подкаблучный муж, or, for short: подкаблучник (literally, “the one under his wife’s heel”).

Then there are the fish. In a fit of tenderness sometimes a Russian мужик might call his wife рыбка or even рыбонька (little fish). Золотко (little gold) or солнышко моё (my little sun) will work too. The creative type may call their honey мой сладкий (my sweetie), using the masculine adjectival form. It somehow sounds less cliché this way. And the classic лапа – лапуля (paw, little paw) is also available for those who have no imagination.

Not surprisingly, Russians are even more linguistically resourceful when it comes to pejoratives. When they fall out of love or their marriage falls into a boring rut, no holds are barred. The wife can become a швабра (push broom) or a клюшка (hockey stick). Also a грымза (untranslatable and quite vulgar), a мегера (wet hen), a гадюка (viper), a кобра (cobra) – you name it. A friend of mine calls his wife близкая родственница по линии сына (“a close relative on his son’s side”). A friend of this friend simply calls his wife “эта” (that). Pushkin-like, men may also call their partners баба моя. This is from the fairy tale “About a Fisherman and the Fish” – Сказка о рыбаке и рыбке – whose main protagonist, a fisherman has a difficult time satisfying the rather expensive whims of his greedy баба.

But, of course, this is not something one should strive for in marital life. The happily married couples live душа в душу (literally “like one soul”), and, like all happy people, do not notice the passing of time – “счастливые часов не наблюдают» (from Griboyedov’s play, Woe from Wit). And, while they may not necessarily call their loved ones  little hares, little fish or pussy-cats, a diminutive derived from a lover’s first name is de rigeur. Леночка, Наташенька, Машуля are most pleasing options.

I personally call my Надежда Надюша. And she even does not take offense at the occasional use of баба. It is standard and (depending on the tone, of course) is fine with loved ones. After all, my баба occasionally calls me мужик. And I know that, from her, it is a compliment. Perhaps it is simply because we share a loathing for all this animalia – зайка, киса and рыбка, et al. But then linguistic tastes differ. And the most important thing to remember is that nothing is too sweet for Valentine’s Day, рыбоньки мои. (Just don’t forget the chocolate!)