Holiday Mania

In a fit of workaholism, former Politburo member Yegor Ligachev once uttered a phrase which made him the butt of many jokes in the press: “Chertovski khochetsya porabotat na perestroiku” (“I have a helluva of a desire to work for perestroika”). The remark led many sharks of the plume (a.k.a. journalists) to speculate sarcastically about exactly what work Ligachev might wish to do for (or against) perestroika. Their attitude was understandable. By that time, Yegor Kuzmich had earned a well-deserved label as a stubborn hardliner. Which led the father of perestroika, Mikhail Gorbachev, to look for a way to get rid of his overzealous rival. Ligachev was subsequently awarded the “kiss of death” portfolio: agriculture. Shortly thereafter he got the axe. 

Paradoxically, today, in the post-perestroika era, when every Russian has at least the opportunity (though not the right tax and legal climate) to work for himself and his family (rather than “for perestroika”), workaholism a la Ligachev has still not caught on widely. What has caught on is a proliferation of prazdniki (holidays). Most recently, President Yeltsin issued an ukaz making April 30 the Day of the Firefighter. This brings to 43(!), according to Kommersant Daily, the number of new holidays instituted by President Yeltsin. Of these, 14 fall on memorable historical dates connected with the successes of the Russian and Soviet army, now called “Days of Russia’s Military Glory.” 

As Yegor Kuzmich once said to archrival Yeltsin: Boris, ty ne prav! (“Boris, you are wrong!”) For even before Yeltsin got holiday-happy, Russia had 31 holidays, commemorating everything from Border Guard Day to more significant holidays like New Year’s. So now there are a total of 74 official holidays (or one in every five days of the year). And this pandemic of prazdniki comes at a time when what the country needs is a non-stop subbotnik  (work Saturday) to clean the economy’s stables, not more excuses to go on a binge. 

Of course, not all of these new days of such and such worker are days off for everyone. But Yeltsin has added three national holidays which are. The most important was January 7 (Orthodox Christmas), which automatically prolonged the post-New Year hangover for another week. Also added were June 12 — the Day of the Declaration of State Sovereignty — and December 12 — Constitution Day, which replaced the Soviet Constitution Day of October 7.

In fact, Yeltsin’s holiday mania fits well into his personage as “a muzhik, just one of us.” Satire writer Mikhail Zadornov, poking fun at Russian laziness, made the point best: “What do we Russians do when we get a new calendar for the next year? Right. We rush to see which days the holidays fall on ...” We are looking to make sure holidays don’t fall on Saturdays or Sundays. Better they should appear on Fridays or Mondays, so we can take three or four days of rest in a row. 

Yet, under Yeltsin, we no longer need to worry about such things. This year, May 1 and 2 (which were and still are days off), fell on the weekend. In Brezhnev’s “stagnation period” Russians would have simply resigned themselves to the stroke of bad luck, hoping a special resolution of the USSR Council of Ministers that might extend the weekend by one day. 

But now, what with the “transition to the market economy,” a government resolution granted Russians two extra days off (Monday and Tuesday), extending the May 1 holiday through May 4. Thus did the Fete of Labor become a Fete of Rest. Those who did do some work were the rare communists who rallied for the May demonstration. But this kind of “work” yields no results. So the workaholic could only look for consolation to hard working dacha owners bent over their small land plots, sowing potatoes and cucumbers to make it through yet another year of “poor crops caused by unfavorable weather conditions.” 

How about May 9 (Victory Day)? This year it fell on a Sunday. Tough luck. But wait! Under the same resolution, May 10, a Monday, was made a day off as well. Another three-day long prazdnik. After all, as the Russian saying goes, “work is not a wolf, it won’t escape to the forest.”  

Not that yours truly is against goofing off and sipping a cold, dark Baltika with friends. But I prefer another Russian saying: “he who has fought has the right to take a rest near a quiet river.” The hard part is finding the time to fight ...

What with all the holidays, it is very difficult to achieve anything in Moscow, even from May 5-7. For either people are recovering from Labor Day or anticipating Victory Day. Or both. Some businesses here simply throw up their hands and close for the first two weeks of May.

Thus, while workaholics may have a hard time finding a “winning streak” in the calendar, alcoholics now have at least 74 official pretexts for “quenching their thirst.” Plus weekends. In a desperate situation, they can always decree a “Den granyonovo stakana”—“Day of the Cut Glass,” full of vodka that is. 

Just look at the summer calendar: June 1: International Day for the Protection of  Children; June 12: Day of the Declaration of State Sovereignty (national holiday); June 27: Day of Youth (as per a Yeltsin decree). July 3: GAI Day. July 10: Day of Russia’s military glory (in commemoration of the Poltava battle in 1709), Second Sunday of July: Day of Russian Mail. August 6: Day of the Railway Troops. August 9: Day of Military Glory (commemorating the victory at Gangut), also Air Force Day. Third Sunday in August: Day of the Russian Air Fleet. August 22: Day of the Russian State Flag. August 23: Day of Military Glory (commemorating the Battle of Kursk).(So far, there still is no Day of the Magazine Editor ...) 

So, should we wonder why, with so many national holidays, we are still caught in between “a planned economy and a normal market one,” as chief holiday promoter Boris Nikolaevich recently put it? Why, with so many “Days” of this or that “Worker,” our customs officers don’t catch smugglers, our mail workers don’t deliver letters on time (or in good condition) and our elderly and victims of political repression receive just a pittance in lieu of decent social aid? 

— Mikhail Ivanov 

p.s. Lest we let an opportunity for shameless self-promotion slip by, the new Russian Life Wall Calendar for 2000 will note all of the afore-mentioned 100+ holidays, which workers of the US can only dream about. Perhaps the one silver lining of all the holidays is that it keeps calendar-publishers busy ...