An ode to men, the opposite of old cat ladies

More sex, more people, fewer apartments left to cats?

1. “We must satisfy our women!” said Rustam Minnikhanov, President of Tatarstan. Yes, he means what you think he means. Who needs Putin’s complicated new demographic growth policies, complete with tax breaks and lower mortgage rates for families? Minnikhanov thinks men will be up to the challenge. Starting, perhaps, with Kazan Mayor Ilsor Metshin, whom Minnikhanov singled out for some reason. Because apparently Mr. Metshin’s four children are not enough. 

2. What to get for the man who has everything? Male staff of Gorky Park in Moscow and police in Ulan-Ude, capital of the Republic of Buryatia, both received unusual Defenders of the Fatherland Day presents: strip teases. Authorities did not dance around the issue in either case. The Gorky Park incident is under investigation for what the park’s former art director called a “conscious moral decline.” The female police officer who ordered the strip tease in Buryatia was fired. What exactly is the return policy for strip teases? 

3. It’s not just humans that have been, as the youth say, thirsty. Cats need to drink too. So, when about ten cats were left alone in a St. Petersburg apartment for months following the death of their owner, they figured out how to turn on the faucets. Problem is, the cats “forgot” to turn them off, flooding their neighbors’ homes. The deceased owner reportedly wanted her apartment to be inherited by “some sort of priests,” but in the meantime it was left in the paws of god’s creatures. Now that the cat is out of the bag, the courts will decide the fate of the apartment and the cats will go to a shelter.

In Odder News

• Very well-travelled matryoshka doll sculptures “invaded” Paris in November. 
• A survivor of the siege of Leningrad turned 850 years old, according to her birthday card from city officials (she’s actually just 80). 
• “A shrine cannot be used for poisonous substances that destroy the spirit,” said a Krasnoyarsk church representative, objecting to vodka sold in chapel-shaped bottles. We’ll put our spirits in other containers next time.

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